Addictions, Letting go, Conclusions

This is for the person that is going through it and all the emotions that come along. Can I tell you this an awful, emotional rollercoaster that can be HELL!! So often we want to save the world and we just can’t, we aren’t god to have a say but we can lead someone to get the necessary help they need. This topic hits home because of things I went through in twenties. I swore that I would help women who do not have the courage to face their abusers. So often as women we shut down and become to numb to the world and some may say “how did I get here'“. I can tell you that I was easily manipulated, I was talked down to (which in turn loss my sense of self worth and value as a woman) and I was struck of all things. You may wonder did she see this as a child? My answer to you is no..I come from a divorce family, my dad left to be with another woman when I was two. My mom stayed alone for a very long time and met my stepdad who even when they disagreed it was something that was discussed behind closed doors. I fell into this pattern, I was often attracted to people who were broken and guess what, I wanted to fix them. I then ran into a pattern of domestic abuse both verbally and physical. I honestly don’t know which was worse because the bruise would go away, but the constant words didn’t because I replayed in my head over and over again. I kept putting bandaids on the open wound and kept thinking that his behavior would change and him going for help and wanting to change was easier said than done. Let me tell you that shit was all smoke and mirrors because the more medication he was on the worse he got which was insane. It wasn’t until I had a 9mm gun pointed to my head that almost ended my life and possibly my oldest daughters life that I woke the fuck up no other way to put it! I packed my children up and anything that we had on our backs found a realtor, found a place applied for credit, got myself into debt and furnished my place and made sure my children were okay!! Look we made it! I look back and look at this man with disgust because he had two daughters and a son that you would never want your child to experience. Listen I made my bed, I chose to stay because I had thought by having children would help and I was hella wrong. It made matters worse, he lost everything and is still getting his karma until this day. My point is until you hit rock bottom no one can tell you what to do until you find yourself in the position where I almost did and could have died. Looking back..I wouldn’t have selected any of those people I had thought of one time to raise my children. Our children shouldn’t have to pay for our poor choices or mistakes. Men will come and go but until we have fully raised our own, they have no one. We want to raise healthy human beings that will be a value you to society not a statistic being raise in the system or someone who is lost because of our behavior. If you need help, reach out please before it’s too late, I have resources and can help. I did it with three children and can tell you its one hell of an experience and a struggle but you to can do it. Imagine I did this with no resources, I had to figure it out step by step, day by day. Be the light and save someone that can’t do it by themselves, no one wants to feel alone or be alone. xoxo