Complex Decisions

Leaving a Failing Marriage When Children Are Involved

Deciding to leave a marriage that no longer serves you is a deeply personal and challenging choice to make. When children are involved, the decision becomes even more complex. Balancing the well-being of oneself, the desire for a healthier and happier life, and the upbringing of children demands careful consideration and thoughtful steps.

Here are somethings to consider when contemplating leaving a marriage that no longer serves you while ensuring the best interests of your children.

1. Self-reflection and Honesty
Before making any decisions, it is crucial to take time for self-reflection. Evaluate the challenges and shortcomings of your marriage, clarifying whether they are temporary difficulties or long-term issues affecting your happiness and well-being.

I want you to ask yourself:

• Is this relationship genuinely unhealthy, abusive, or irreparably broken?

• Have all reasonable efforts and attempts at reconciliation been exhausted?

• Will separating genuinely provide a healthier and more nurturing environment for both yourself and your children?

Being honest with oneself is the first step towards making a decision that will shape the future of your life and the lives of your children. I feel if you're not honest with yourself, you have the capability of simply sweeping things under the rug and not addressing these topics. Its never easy but it has to be done so you have clarity.

2. Seek Professional Help

Guidance of experienced professionals like therapists, counselors, or family mediators who can help you navigate the complexities of your failing marriage. At the same time be careful who you decide to tell the last thing you want is someone who is meddlesome and who will take your issues and run with it. The objective perspective of these experts can help you gain clarity and find the best way forward. They can provide valuable tools to communicate and work through any shared parental responsibilities, ensuring a healthy co-parenting relationship. In my case I sought out counseling and by the time I reached the third counselor, they told me my marriage was far too gone and that their job was to help keep families together if possible but mine..lets just say with all the trauma it was too deep. How about that for therapy?

3. Consider the Well-being of the Children
Children are incredibly perceptive and can often sense when their parents relationship is strained. Prioritizing their well-being is fundamental throughout the decision-making process and in consideration they are little humans who look up to us and if we don’t provide a safety net for them in all of this craziness, we don’t want them to think its okay for someone to do this in return when they do find the one.

• The impact of a hostile or toxic environment on their emotional, mental, and physical health.

• The potential negative effects of witnessing conflicts and unhealthy dynamics within the family.

• The long-term importance of teaching children about healthy relationships, personal boundaries, and mutual respect.

  
  4. Engage in Open Communication
  When you reach a point where leaving the marriage is the best option, it is crucial to engage in open and age-appropriate communication with your children. They deserve to know what is happening, feel heard, and have their questions answered. Reassure them that the separation is not their fault and that both parents will continue to love and care for them. Be prepared to provide ongoing support and reass

  Remember in the world we live in today children are a lot smarter than we know, so carefully consider everything you say and do..always remember there is no right or wrong answer.